I always used to find myself so productive when I was busy. I'd be amazed at how much I could accomplish in a day and although it was stressful, I was focused and motivated.
It's certainly no secret around here that I'm not busy. There's this and that, coffee on Tuesday, lunch on Thursday types of things. There's laundry and cooking and cleaning and all of those less glamourous aspects of life and walks along the seafront and skype chats home. The days are passing and I'm content albeit lackluster.
I suppose what it comes down to is a lack of passion which inevitably leads to a lack of inspiration and motivation. Before becoming a trailing spouse, I felt so passionately about my career - perhaps a little too much, leaving myself completely worn out after 5 years and desperately wanting a break. While I'm not necessarily feeling a pull back to the classroom, I am wondering where my passions lie outside of it.
Where do I want to focus my energy, my mind space and my time?
In the last few weeks my 'Drafts' folder has substantially grown. Posts are started, a sentence or 2 written, labels clicked, a photo edited, a title picked, another sentence typed and then erased until finally, the post is closed and filed away in that ever expanding folder with a promise to pick it up when I'm feeling more focused and inspired. I'm certain it's all tied together- this undefined passion, lulls in motivation, inability to express thoughts concisely (as evidenced here in this post,) and unfinished drafts.
Bear with me as I navigate this ebb. The flow is always around the corner.
oh man that's a frustrating place to be in! it's like there's just this hump you have to get over and motivation is right on the other side but it's so hard to oomph your way over it to start. fingers crossed that we get to see some of the drafts when you're ready :)
ReplyDeleteI think you've pieced your thoughts together quite concisely Jay! Those ebbs are so annoying and (despite the fact that I think I am edging ever-closer to the burn-out stage at work) I have to say I find myself often asking the same questions. The good news is you are right - think those flows usually are just around the corner. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI've been there, done that. Living with the uncertainty of your own passions and desires can be a heavy load to bear. "How can I not know what I want to do??" - it's easy to beat yourself up. But as you said, you'll find your flow; it's there, just waiting for you.
ReplyDeleteI can completely relate. I am in very much the same head space as you. I go about my days and I certainly cannot complain but I am amazed at how much more productive and motivated I use to be prior to our big move. I feel as though I am waiting for things to become clearer to me as to which direction I go in now - and how wonderful to be able to decide where to put my energy and time. I have many drafts of posts which are sitting and waiting for my attention but I am doing my best to go easy on myself and let things unfold as they may.
ReplyDeleteI guess the ebb is there to make us truly appreciate and take notice of the flow when it appears.
Thanks for sharing, good to know I am not alone and the flow is right around the corner.
I completely understand. I used to be SOOOO busy, literally going 18 hours a day, 6 days a week. In 2011 I went 21 weeks without getting more than 5 hours of sleep in a night, and I usually went at least 2 months without a day off. It was insane. Now that my life is so much calmer, I've settled into a nice rhythm, and I am bored. I feel like I don't have any driving passions. I have interests, certainly. But nothing I'm excited by, nothing I eagerly pursue. Nothing engages my mind.
ReplyDeleteSo yes, I understand how you feel. I am still interested in what you have to say though! (You could always post about beer making :-) )
I totally know the feeling friend. When I'm super busy, I will constantly say to myself how much more time I would love to invest in my blog if I wasn't so swamped. Then the moment things calm down or I have a vacation all motivation to edit photos or put together a post go out the window! But, as you said whenever there's an ebb the flow is just around the corner. Hope the motivation starts to flow and we get to see some of those posts soon :)
ReplyDeletexxx
Jenna
oooh, isn't that the story of life?! totally relate. and love that beautiful photo!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry...what? You edit photos for your blog? I just slap them in, sometimes they come out the right size and if all goes well a caption appears (sometimes it's centred, sometimes it's not).
ReplyDeleteOn a more serious note; I am saddened to hear you aren't feeling the pull of the classroom. You have such talent as an educator. That being said, I certainly understand your reticence to return. I used to have passions outside of the classroom; photography, music, book clubs, making and keeping friendships. The longer I'm a teacher the more distant these interests are getting.
That's why we should learn to knit when I come to visit. We'll start an online business and be RICH! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!
i think all bloggers can relate to this at one time or another. take your time, everyone will be here waiting for your return : ) i write this as my draft folder is filling up slowly too. maybe it's us waiting for spring to get here that's making us unfocused : )
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should contact some of the schools in the area? There are often teachers missing and the students have no teacher at all some times. Maybe you can step in?
ReplyDeleteGoing to a gym may can also be a good idea. It's a great way to get in contact with norwegians. They are more easy to talk to there for some strange reason.
Thank you for the suggestions!
DeleteI'm hoping to find something to pursue or work towards outside of teaching instead of just activities to pass the time. Finding that passion is harder than one would imagine ;)
I hear you! I'm a bit of a trailing spouse (even though I'm not married!) in the sense that I left an amazing teaching job in an international school in Hong Kong to join my boyfriend here in the UK. While I did eventually secure employment, the first few months of job hunting here, essentially starting over were a bit excrutiating. Despite having loads of free time on my hands, I didn't feel motivated to do anything at all other than job hunt! Now, after being employed full time for just over a year, my job contract is finished and I'm back to housewife-dom before starting a new full time teaching job in September... Just out of curiosity, have to tried to look for something part-time in Stavenger? Nothing serious, but maybe just something to get you out of the house and in a sort of routine? I know they have an international school there, maybe you could do some supply teaching? It'd be a good way to ease back into teaching, without the stress of lesson planning and grading!
ReplyDeleteHi Oneika! I sent you an email :)
DeleteHope you find a little spark of something soon! I always start crazy diy projects but what about tutoring in English or taking Norwegian!?
ReplyDeleteI am a trailing spouse in Germany and I feel your pain. I told my husband the other day that I have no "drive", no "purpose" right now. One can only do so many coffees before going crazy. I find that there is nothing to write about because I am not doing anything and it's a crazy circle. I sometimes wish to go home just so that I can go back to work...never thought that I would say that. Hang in there, and know that you are not alone!
ReplyDeletei really think that's such a hard think kind of being non super busy and not having exactly anything driving you every day. the non-busy life is great and give you time for those chat's home and coffee dates but i have found that i am so much happier when i am completely insanely busy with things i love and it's nice to have found that passion and drive. can't wait to see where yours is takin gyou!
ReplyDeleteHi Jay, even though I'm in a completely different situation than you, I know the feeling that you describe. Going to law school means that two thirds of the year I will be busy attending lectures and writing my exams, whereas the rest of the year is devoted to writing papers, aka having no solid schedule and no one, but myself to keep me in check.
ReplyDeleteWhile I don't necessary enjoy sitting in a class room all day, the times that I didn't have to always left me with a slight feeling of depression and anxiety in the beginning of my studies. I think it was the lack of structure and organization in my life that brought me down and I'm happy to say that finally, I'm doing better. I intentionally try to keep myself busy and to keep myself on a schedule, but sometimes I do ask myself: What will I do when I won't have anything to work on? Do I have other passions that will keep me going? Sometimes I'm not so sure.
In the end, I suppose there's nothing we can do, but to continue to move forward and not expect that there's this one big passion that we're supposed to find and that it's okay to take pleasure from the little things in life. I didn't intend this comment to be so long and unleashing all my emotional garbage on here, but I just wanted you to know that you're not alone in this and that we will all be able to go on - just like you said.
xx
Melanie
Thank you so much for your kind & thoughtful comment Melanie.
DeleteI think there is a lot of pressure in our generation regarding finding and living your passion and funny enough, that pressure can actually stifle inspiration. You're right, it is ok to take pleasure from the little things and sometimes, I need that reminder!
Take you time, take a break. I know how it feels, that lack of focus, passion. No point in forcing yourself to do it, especially if you don't have to. Make a change, explore something new. May help you get clarity and bring things back into focus.
ReplyDelete