The Art of Making Friends

Sunset in our neighbourhood

When we're young, we tend to make friends quite easily.  Our biggest commitment is school and let's face it, a lot of school is about social interaction.  As we get older, it starts to get a little more difficult. We have spouses and commitments and that takes away time from our friendships.  Some of our best friends move away or we move and things change.

I grew up in the same town and went to school with the same people from kindergarten through graduation.  It was impossible not to know everyone in town.  Upon graduation, I chose to go to a university that my friends weren't going to but I lived in residence and made some really great friends - in fact, some of my best friends (including my husband.)  Then we all moved away to pursue our careers. I started in another small town and after awhile, made a few friends at the school I was teaching at and as I was feeling comfortable there, the decision was made to move 7 hours North to be with Joe.  Again, I had to make all new friends.  With each move, it got a little harder.  The older I got, the more commitments I had and the same went for potential peers.  I also became a little pickier about my friends - I wanted people I connected with, who had similar interests, someone that I could hold conversations with and feel like I could be myself.

And then we moved to Gabon.

It took me about a month before I met my first English speaking friend in Port Gentil.  The next week, she took me to a group event and slowly but surely, friendships started forming.  Port Gentil is small and while the expat community is pretty large, by the end, I felt like I knew or knew of most of the other women in town.  The majority of us didn't work and had nothing but time on our hands to have coffee, go to the beach, and plan soirées.  I made some pretty unlikely friends in Gabon - people I would never imagine myself connecting with on many levels - but we needed each other.  Gabon was hard on all of us and having people that actually understood all that we were going through was essential.

Now, we're in Norway and I find myself wanting to connect with other people - to make some friends.  It's a bit more difficult here.  Some of the women work and there are loads of things to do in town from shopping to yoga to language classes.  I don't have a job that connects me with other people and I don't have children that will make friends so that I can be friends with their parents.  It's solely up to me.

This week I decided to put myself out there.  I went to a movie with the women's group, I did the field trip to Stavanger Glassblåseri, I sent emails about yoga classes and book clubs all in the name of making friends.  It takes a lot of work to connect with other people when we don't have forced interaction and unfortunately, I don't think I'm going to make any friends having a latte on my terrace.

Eventually, it will happen but it's going to take some of effort.

Where have you had the most success making friends?


{Loved this article on making friends as an adult}